Being Human

Does a priest ever grieve the family he gave up? Fr. Luke Joseph Leighton answers that question, and explains why he'd say yes again. Today, Dr. Greg Bottaro sits down in person with Fr. Luke, the friend he entered the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal with 22 years ago. Fr. Luke shares how the son of a Jewish father and a Catholic mother became a Franciscan priest, how his grandmother, who fled Nazi Germany as a child, came to bless his vocation, and what celibacy, poverty and obedience have actually cost him. Then they take on what Fr. Luke hears in the confessional about online outrage and the Church. Fr. Luke is a priest of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal. Raised in Red Bank, New Jersey, he entered the Church at 15 after a conversion in high school. He spent fifteen years serving with the friars in New York City, including at Saint Anthony's Shelter for Renewal and Cardinal Spellman High School, and was ordained by Cardinal Dolan at St. Patrick's Cathedral in 2013. He is a trained spiritual director through the Institute for Priestly Formation. FOLLOW FR. LUKE: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0CmGPiEwgLZUVhJvcqFecA Franciscan Friars of the Renewal: https://cfr-newmexico.com/ DR. GREG'S BOOKS: The Power of Listening Well: https://sophiainstitute.com/product/the-power-of-listening-well/ The Personalist Cure (join the waitlist): https://catholicpsych.com/personalistcure CatholicPsych Store: https://bookshop.catholicpsych.com/ WORK WITH CATHOLICPSYCH: Find a Catholic mentor: https://catholicpsych.com/mentorship Learn to accompany the people you love (CPMAP): https://catholicpsych.com/cpmapinfo Free Anxiety Languages Quiz: https://catholicpsy.ch/quiz WATCH NEXT: A Bishop's Raw Story of Anxiety and Depression: https://youtu.be/yNdAMIQblDU MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: ▸ Mother Mary Francis, PCC, A Right to Be Merry ▸ Fr. Brett Brannen, To Save a Thousand Souls ▸ Viktor Frankl and St. Maximilian Kolbe ▸ Henri Nouwen on the three temptations of Christ SUBSCRIBE AND LISTEN: Subscribe for weekly Catholic psychology: https://www.youtube.com/@CatholicPsychInstitute?sub_confirmation=1 Listen to the Being Human Podcast on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id1546643336 FOLLOW CATHOLICPSYCH: Website: https://catholicpsych.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicpsych Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/catholicpsych X: https://x.com/catholicpsych LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/catholicpsych/ CHAPTERS: 00:00:00 Intro 00:03:20 Growing up with a Jewish father and a Catholic mother 00:13:28 His grandmother, a Holocaust survivor, blesses his vocation 00:21:31 Viktor Frankl, St. Maximilian Kolbe and finding meaning in suffering 00:27:45 What the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience really cost 00:34:06 Do priests grieve the family they gave up? 00:41:35 What marriage and religious life teach each other 00:53:10 Is celibacy running away from marriage? 00:59:33 His parents' divorce and his conversion story 01:12:14 How celibacy changes over a lifetime 01:18:54 Spiritual fatherhood and when ministry becomes an idol 01:28:59 Sitting in desolation on a retreat for Mother Teresa's sisters 01:39:06 What a priest hears in confession today 01:43:50 Catholic YouTube, outrage and influencers 01:58:52 Authority, obedience and staying in the Church #CatholicPsychology #Celibacy #CatholicPriest #CatholicMentalHealth #CatholicTherapist

If you're serious about marriage, you're supposed to take every date seriously. But walk into a first date asking whether this is the person God is calling you to marry, and you'll crush it before it starts. Dating isn't a test you pass. It's a discernment you learn by doing. To celebrate 300 episodes of Being Human, Dr. Greg revisits the third of our three most-listened-to episodes: his conversation with Dr. Mario Sacasa about dating well, and how Dr. Greg had to stop worrying about what his dates thought of him before he could really see them. Key Topics: Why treating a first date like a lifetime decision is the fastest way to crush it Why sharing the same faith doesn't automatically make you compatible Why constant fighting over small things isn't a cross God is asking you to carry What a first date can reveal about narcissism: who does the talking, and how they treat the waiter Why ghosting feels like kindness but is really a failure of courage Why you can't really see your date until you stop worrying about what they think of you Why a relationship that ends can still be a success Learn More: Dr. Mario Sacasa's resources: Dating Well, his online course for Catholic singles and couples Always Hope, the podcast hosted by Dr. Mario More from Dr. Mario at drmariosacasa.com Watch Dr. Greg's 7 Catholic Rules for Online Dating That Actually Work The Coddling of the American Mind by Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt Pew Research Center: Key takeaways on Americans' views of and experiences with dating and relationships Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261 Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

When it's tough, you just work harder. Bishop James Conley lived by that rule until it cost him his sleep and his joy. What finally brought him back wasn't trying harder. It was surrender. For the second of our three most-listened-to episodes, Dr. Greg revisits his conversation with Bishop Conley about asking the Pope's representative for a leave of absence, and what he gained by being willing to lose it all. Key Topics: Why "just try harder" can deepen anxiety and depression instead of curing them Why the hardest part of asking for help can be the fear that you'll never be trusted again Why the more you have to lose, the harder it is to be honest about what you're carrying Why believing you're the only one struggling is what keeps you struggling alone Why the answer to an anxious generation may be more play, not more screens Why your weakness, not your talent, may be where God works most powerfully Learn More: Pastoral letters by Most Reverend James D. Conley, STL, Bishop of Lincoln: A Future with Hope (on mental health) The Joy and Wonder of Catholic Education: Developing Authentically Catholic Schools Resources recommended by Bishop Conley: Surrender Novena The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Catechesis of the Good Shepherd Catholic Medical Association Catholic Healthcare Leadership Alliance Familiaris Consortio (The Christian Family in the Modern World) Ex Corde Ecclesiae (On Catholic Universities) Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Which anxiety language do you speak? To celebrate 300 episodes of Being Human, we're bringing back one of your all-time favorites. Dr. Greg walks through the five anxiety languages (reactive, activated, minimizing, withdrawing, and impulsive) and shows why none of these parts is the enemy. Once they're let off the hook, they can become gifts. Key Topics: Why snapping at people, staying busy, or shrugging "this is fine" can all be anxiety, even if you'd never call yourself anxious Why being "always on" can pass for ambition when it's really running from an inner voice that says you'll fail Why pulling back and procrastinating are often your nervous system bracing for a threat, not laziness How anxiety can look like ADHD: the half-organized closet, the car you can't drive, the bathroom you never finished How each part, once it's let off the hook, can become alertness, motivation, peace, or spirit-led creativity Learn More: What's your primary anxiety language? Take the free Anxiety Languages Quiz: https://catholicpsy.ch/quiz Catholic Mindfulness Virtual Retreat: eight weeks of daily videos to help you work with your anxiety language Blog article: Is Mindfulness Safe for Catholics to Practice? The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

It's pretty wild: Being Human has reached episode 300. Dr. Greg gathered his friends to celebrate, and the celebration quietly became an example of what this show has been saying all along — being human can't be done alone. Dr. Greg is joined by Dr. Bryan Violette and his wife Teresa, along with Dr. Gerard McNicholas, to look back on 300 episodes of the podcast. Then a simple question about Teresa's new hobby opens into something far more personal, and gives a first taste of what comes next: Being Human Together. Key Topics: Why what you start in faith rarely turns out to be what you thought you were building Why the thing you're most upset about is often standing in for a grief you haven't named yet How a hobby you'd rather not talk about can be the most honest thing about you right now Why the people closest to you can sometimes see your grief before you do Why your favorite song can make you feel completely understood — and strangely alone when you share it How art slips past the part of you that would rather explain a feeling than feel it Learn More: Past episodes remembered in this conversation: Where it all started: Ep. #1: The Beginning Ep. #225: Humility, Time Travel and Philosophy with Peter Kreeft — Dr. Greg's favorite Ep. #102: ADHD and Me, w/ Teresa Violette Ep. #231: Music as Accompaniment: Matt Maher and a Mission to Heal through Song Ep. #172: A Journey through Faith and Music with John Michael Talbot Ep. #291: OCPD and Scrupulosity: How the Worship of Rules and Control Leads to the Loneliness of Certainty Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary: Why Real Change Happens through Love not Willpower The CatholicPsych Show — the live news show Dr. Greg and Dr. Bryan hosted Dr. Greg on The Lila Rose Show St. John Paul II's Letter to Artists The Personalist Cure by Dr. Greg Bottaro Missed the Summit of Integration? Catch the replays, including Christopher West's keynote on the Feast of St. John Paul II Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Dr. Greg thought the draft was good. A year later, he called it "terrible." That's how a book ends up taking almost ten years to write. With The Personalist Cure finally launching, Dr. Greg sits down with his good friend Dr. Bryan Violette for a conversation that circles back on itself the way John Paul II's own writing does. Along the way, they get to the heart of the book: the difference between love that controls and love that sets free. Key Topics: Why so much of what passes for love is really a compulsive effort to get your own needs met What emancipating love looks like: willing the good of the other for their sake, even when it costs you Why the love Jesus shows on the cross changes how you see every relationship in your life What John Paul II meant by mutual submission in marriage — and why it's the opposite of control Learn More: The Personalist Cure by Dr. Greg Bottaro — the book behind this episode, almost ten years in the making Join us at the Summit of Integration in Dallas, October 20–23, celebrating the Feast of St. John Paul II (virtual tickets available) Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

You've been called lazy. Maybe you've been told you're just bad at your job. But what if that was never the problem at all — what if you've simply been sitting in the wrong seat? Dr. Greg sits down with his good friend Dr. Bryan Violette to explore what the Working Genius reveals about the work that drains us. Along the way, they make the case that even the parts of us we're most embarrassed by are usually protecting something good: our dignity. Key Topics: Why the task that grinds you down says more about your gifts than about your character Why "you're lazy" is usually the wrong story — and "wrong seat on the bus" is often the right one What "adaptive narcissism" is actually protecting Why shame doesn't produce lasting change — it just teaches you to hide better Why "I'm not myself today" gets it wrong, and why curiosity about the part that just showed up works better Why giving yourself away fills you up, even though handing over your coffee only leaves you with an empty cup Learn More: Join us at the Summit of Integration in Dallas, October 20–23, celebrating the Feast of St. John Paul II (virtual tickets available) The 6 Types of Working Genius by Patrick Lencioni — the framework Dr. Greg and Dr. Bryan discuss throughout the episode Gaudium et Spes — the Vatican II constitution behind "Christ reveals man to himself" and finding ourselves through a sincere gift of self Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Psychology is supposed to be a hard science with clear answers about what's healthy. It isn't — and when the people forming our kids can't say what a human being actually is, even their best work turns into darts thrown in the dark. Dr. Greg sits down with Dr. Brett Salkeld — host of the Making Every Class Catholic podcast — to trace what psychology and education both get wrong when they skip the question of what a person is for, and why the schools racing hardest to keep up with technology may not be the ones still standing in five years. Key Topics: Why psychology has no agreed-on standard for mental health — and what that gap is doing to real kids in real classrooms Why you have to know what a healthy human being is before you can help one heal How one true principle about the human person let Dr. Greg call the phone crisis in 2014 — years before the data caught up Why a phone doesn't connect two people so much as stand between them — and who profits from keeping it there Why the schools racing hardest to keep up with technology may be the ones that don't exist in five years What actually makes a school worth attending once AI can hand a kid any fact for free Learn More: Dr. Brett Salkeld's podcast: Making Every Class Catholic — bringing the Catholic faith into every subject in the classroom Educating for Eternity: A Teacher's Companion for Making Every Class Catholic by Dr. Brett Salkeld Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyła (St. John Paul II) Duc in Altum Schools Collaborative — the Catholic-schools network where Dr. Greg first met Dr. Salkeld Join us at the Summit of Integration in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II The Personalist Cure — Dr. Greg's new book, launching this October at the Summit Sign up for our newsletter Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

John Paul II is the most important psychologist of the twentieth century — and almost no one knows it. In three dense paragraphs on the subconscious, he named what Freud got wrong and gave us a fuller picture of the human person. Dr. Greg sits down with Fr. Randy Sly to trace how a pilgrimage through Poland turned a philosopher he'd studied for twenty-five years into a father he'd finally met — and why that kind of encounter, not more theory, is what integration actually asks of us. Key Topics: What John Paul II saw about the subconscious that Freud missed entirely Why studying a saint for twenty-five years isn't the same as actually meeting him How explaining integration can be the very thing that keeps you from it Why you don't have to be in crisis to need help becoming who you're meant to be What it means to be a channel instead of a closed loop — and why receiving isn't optional if you want to keep giving Learn More: Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II The Personalist Cure — Dr. Greg's upcoming book, launching this October at the Summit Sign up for our newsletter Fr. Randy Sly's podcast: The Follow to Lead Podcast Integration Pilgrimages — the encounter-focused pilgrimage Dr. Greg helped lead this summer Practice Catholic mindfulness to find the presence of God in the moment Go deeper in the integrated life through the Integrated Life app and community John Paul II on the subconscious: Person and Act and Related Essays by Karol Wojtyła Duc in Altum Schools Collaborative Black Elk Healing Retreat (Wyoming) Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

You can become who you are. Which means you can also become who you're not. Recorded on location in Poland during a pilgrimage through the life of John Paul II, Dr. Greg Bottaro and Dr. Gerard McNicholas trace JP2's line "let yourself be molded by love" — and what happens in the subconscious that blocks our freedom to choose it. Key Topics: Why "become who you are" carries a hidden warning — you can also be molded into who you're not Why virtue never becomes automatic, no matter how many years you practice it How the one freedom no one can take from you is the freedom St. Maximilian Kolbe used to step forward and say "take my place" Why the buried things in your subconscious actually want to be known — and why John Paul II called surfacing them a task of morality How art slips in the back door of the subconscious and unlocks what analysis alone can't reach Learn More: Person and Act and Related Essays by Karol Wojtyła (John Paul II) — his account of conscience and the subconscious Our God's Brother — the Wojtyła play that gives us "let yourself be molded by love" Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk John Paul II's Letter to Artists The Personalist Cure — Dr. Greg's upcoming book, launching this October at the Summit Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Not knowing what comes after graduation feels like failing. It's not. The real problem is the pressure to have it all figured out. Dr. Greg sits down with college senior Sandy Napolitano to talk about the anxiety of life after graduation — where the fear of the unknown really comes from, and why discernment starts the moment you stop trying to force certainty. Key Topics: Why "What's your plan?" quietly writes God out of the decision How the need for a plan can be fear wearing the mask of responsibility Why starting at the end — not the next step — makes half your options disappear Why naming a fear out loud drains most of its power How the experience that changed you becomes the one you most need to integrate Learn More: The Personalist Cure — John Paul II's blueprint for a Catholic standard of psychology Join us in Dallas, Oct 20–23: Summit of Integration Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Trust isn't something you manufacture through effort — it's something you receive through relationship. In this episode, Dr. Greg Bottaro concludes the series on OCPD and perfectionism by exploring why control feels so necessary, how our earliest relationships shape our ability to trust God, and why freedom begins not when we become perfect, but when we allow ourselves to be loved. Because holiness isn't built on mastering the perfect spiritual routine — it's built on learning to rest in the love that has always been pursuing you. Key Topics: Why trust can't be built through more effort, more surrender, or the right devotion How "trying harder" to trust God is actually the pattern itself, not the way out of it How the parts of us that need control aren't bad, but are protecting something deeper Why compassion, not correction, is the first step toward healing a controlling part How self-possession exists for the sake of self-gift — and why you can't give what you don't have Why holiness was never meant to end fear of hell, but to end the need to earn love in the first place How real healing only happens in relationship — not in a program, a podcast, or a novena Learn More: Previous episodes in this series on Obsessive Compulsive Personality Patterns: Ep. #290: "I'm Only Loved When I'm Perfect": The Lie Fueling Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Ep. #291: OCPD and Scrupulosity: How the Worship of Rules and Control Leads to the Loneliness of Certainty Ep. #292: Holy Anxiety: The Understandable Underbelly of Scrupulosity Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II Presence Virtual Retreat: Practice the presence of God and trustful surrender Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation. Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment. Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Scrupulosity often looks like devotion — but when fear takes over, even our spiritual life can become consumed by doubt, checking, and the search for certainty. In this episode, Dr. Greg Bottaro continues the series on OCPD and perfectionism, exploring the difference between a healthy conscience and a scrupulous one, why mercy can be hard to trust, and how our experiences shape the way we see God. Holiness was never meant to be an endless audit — it was meant to lead us into relationship with the One who loves us. Key Topics: How reciting the truth about mercy in your head does nothing to change what your body still believes Why certainty about being forgiven is the one thing this pattern can never actually get Why confession, meant to bring peace, can quietly become just another form of checking How the voice you call your conscience might actually be a punishing voice in disguise Why the face you're afraid God is making at you was never really His How the saints wrestled with scrupulosity — and what finally brought them peace wasn't more proof Why doing this work alone almost always makes the pattern worse How the way out can feel too easy to trust Learn More: Previous episodes in this series on Obsessive Compulsive Personality Patterns: Ep. #290: "I'm Only Loved When I'm Perfect": The Lie Fueling Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Ep. #291: OCPD and Scrupulosity: How the Worship of Rules and Control Leads to the Loneliness of Certainty Episode referenced on spiritual bypassing: Why "Everything Happens for a Reason" Isn't Working: The Holy Words We Use to Avoid Healing Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation. Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment. Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Certainty feels like safety. But you can only ever be certain alone — and the life you build on control slowly becomes a lonely one. In week two of the series on OCPD, Dr. Greg explores why we reach for control when trust feels dangerous — and how the certainty we build to feel safe ends up costing us the very relationships it was meant to protect. Key Topics: Why the certainty that makes you feel safe is the same thing that leaves you alone How a rule can feel safer than a person — because a rule never changes its face Why the control you use to protect the people you love can drive them straight into the danger you feared How devotion can quietly turn into a contract with God instead of trust in Him Why trying harder to get it perfect is the pattern itself, not the way out of it Learn More: Previous episode in this series — OCPD Part 1: Ep. #290: "I'm Only Loved When I'm Perfect": The Lie Fueling Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas — launching the Year of St. John Paul II Faith of the Fatherless: The Psychology of Atheism by Dr. Paul Vitz — on how wounded trust in a father can shape our capacity for faith Person and Act — St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on the acting person, and the personalist heart of this episode Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason & Randi Kreger — the book on borderline patterns Dr. Greg references Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation. Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment. Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Perfectionism doesn't always come from loving excellence. Sometimes it's the only way you've ever known how to feel safe. In the first episode of a new series on Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, Dr. Greg unpacks how perfectionism, rigidity, and control take root—and why, underneath them, control quietly fills the space where trust was supposed to be. Key Topics: Why the pursuit of perfection is often less about loving excellence and more about not feeling safe without it How "until I'm perfect, I'm not loved" becomes the sentence an entire personality gets built on Why one small mistake can feel like disconnection instead of just a mistake How conscientiousness and perfectionism can look identical from the outside—and the one thing that tells them apart Why you can get everything right and still never feel free to rest Why the love you keep trying to earn was already given—before you got anything right Learn More: Person and Act and Related Essays by Karol Wojtyła (St. John Paul II) — the anthropology of self-possession and self-gift behind this episode Join a future Black Elk healing retreat at the Hawkeye Ranch in Wyoming Episode referenced on spiritual bypassing and scrupulosity: Ep. #288: Why "Everything Happens for a Reason" Isn't Working: The Holy Words We Use to Avoid Healing Inner Parts Easy Conversation Guide — an audio guide to get to know your inner parts. Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Avoidance works. That's the problem. Every time you dodge the hard thing, the relief is real—and so is the price you don't see coming. In this final episode of the series on avoidance, Dr. Greg makes the case that the way out isn't escape or a burst of willpower, but presence: staying in the room one second longer than you want to, and letting God meet you in the mess you were trying to hide. Key Topics: Why the relief avoidance gives you is exactly what keeps you stuck Why good therapy and mentorship refuse to hand you advice—and why that's what actually heals How even "staying present" can quietly become one more way to avoid what's surfacing Why healing works like a bruise, not a breakthrough—slow, at its own pace, and impossible to rush What to do the moment the wall goes up: stay in the room one second longer than you want to Why God doesn't wait at the finish line of your healing, but walks through the locked door to meet you in it Learn More: Presence Virtual Retreat: As a gift to listeners of Being Human, we're offering two full months free. Use code BHVRTRIAL at checkout to begin. The Retreat is a monthly subscription that brings together faith and psychology to help you overcome anxiety, quiet negative thought patterns, and live as if you truly believe in a God who loves you. Your first two months are completely free; after that, it continues at $17/month, and you're free to cancel anytime. Stay connected — join our newsletter Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas Watch Being Human on YouTube – Watch the full video archive of the Being Human podcast Previous episodes in this series on Avoidance: Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known Ep. #287: We Are Not Robots: Why Connection Is Not Optional for Human Flourishing Ep. #288: Why "Everything Happens for a Reason" Isn't Working: The Holy Words We Use to Avoid Healing Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

"Offer it up." "I've forgiven them." "Everything happens for a reason." Every one of them is true—and every one can become a way to avoid the healing God is actually offering. In this episode, Dr. Greg names spiritual bypassing: using prayer, devotion, and even good theology to step around grief, anger, and the wounds still waiting underneath. He explains why grace builds on nature, and why God heals only the humanity we're willing to bring into the light. Key Topics: Why the one escape nobody warns you about is the one everyone applauds: prayer, retreats, "offering it up" How "I've already forgiven them" can be completely true and still leave the same wound bleeding for years Why "I'm still discerning" is sometimes just stalling with a halo on it How taking Mary or Joseph as your parent can heal a wound—or quietly become the reason you never grieve the one you actually had Why the anger you keep spiritualizing away might be the exact thing you most need to listen to Why you can pray for years, go to confession after confession, and still land in the same cycle—and what that finally reveals Learn More: Stay connected — join our newsletter Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas Online presentation on anxiety: Learn the "secret" Dr. Greg holds back in this episode—that the anxiety itself isn't the problem Presence Virtual Retreat: Practice the presence of God and trustful surrender Integrated Life app: Bring every part of yourself into the light—JP2's meaning of integration State of the Institute replay: Hear the massive "Year of JP2" news The Personalist Cure: Dr. Greg's book on John Paul II's philosophy and its role in psychology Person and Act: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on integration and the acting person, referenced in this episode Our God's Brother: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) play about Brother Albert Previous episodes in this series on Avoidance: Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known Ep. #287: We Are Not Robots: Why Connection Is Not Optional for Human Flourishing Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

There's a lot of talk recently about whether AI can be considered a person. But the more serious question might be whether people are becoming too much like AI—learning to live without real connection. To keep our distance. To avoid vulnerability. To convince ourselves that we don't need anyone. In this episode, Dr. Greg continues the series on avoidance by turning to schizoid personality: the pattern where the wish for connection hasn't just been buried by fear, but has gone quiet altogether. Drawing on the personalism of St. John Paul II, he shows why we stay made out of relationship, for relationship—even when the desire seems gone. Key Topics: Why "I don't need anyone" can be a wound dressed up as strength How the desire for connection can go so quiet it reads as no desire at all What that flood of relief when plans fall through is actually telling you How being neglected early teaches you to neglect yourself—and call it your personality Why "self-help" was never going to be enough, and real healing needs another person Why fearing closeness and feeling indifferent to it look identical from the outside but run on opposite engines Learn More: Previous episode in this series on avoidance: Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known Previous episode on attachment theory: Ep. #63: Attachment Theory: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How It Affects Your Relationships Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Avoidance looks like not wanting people. It's almost always the opposite: wanting connection so badly that being seen feels like the biggest risk of all. In this episode, Dr. Greg explores avoidant personality patterns through the lens of Catholic anthropology—where the quiet tug-of-war between longing to be known and fearing rejection comes from, and how the difference between what happens in us and what we choose opens a path toward freedom. Key Topics: Why "I just need my space" can be a wall dressed up as a boundary How a childhood full of real love—not neglect—can still teach you that being seen means being blamed Why avoidant personality isn't the same as avoidant attachment, even though they share a name What the text you rewrite four times before sending is actually protecting you from Why even your anger can be an imitation of Christ, not something to hide How the difference between what "happens" in you and what you choose to do can pull you out of hiding Learn More: Previous episode on attachment theory: Ep. #63: Attachment Theory: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How It Affects Your Relationships Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Person and Act: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on the acting person, referenced in this episode Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Got a Question for Dr. Greg? Have a topic suggestion? Want to share your thoughts? Email us at beinghuman@catholicpsych.com—we'd love to hear from you! Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn

Getting it all off your chest is supposed to be healing. But sometimes the venting that feels like relief is quietly feeding your resentment instead. In this episode, Dr. Greg sits down with Fr. Gregory Pine—author of Training the Tongue—to explore why the deepest purpose of speech is communion, and how to tell the difference between working through your pain and simply settling the score. Key Topics: Why the real purpose of speech isn't expressing yourself — it's communion How to tell whether you're venting toward healing or just venting to settle the score Why the friend who only ever agrees with you might be the one holding you back What separates a listener who helps you grow from one who only feeds your anger Why "getting it off your chest" can leave the wound exactly where it was How custody of the tongue is good news, not one more rule to feel guilty about Learn More: Fr. Gregory Pine's book: Training the Tongue and Growing Beyond Sins of Speech Previous episodes on parts work (IFS): Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns: Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns: Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns: Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns: Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns: Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment Follow Us on Socials: Instagram | Facebook | YouTube | Twitter (X) | LinkedIn