The Importance of Avoiding Favoritism

Favoritism in a family can leave lasting wounds, especially when a child feels overlooked, unwanted, or less valued than their siblings. Whether it happens through obvious comparisons or subtle differences in attention, playing favorites can damage relationships and shape how children see themselves for years to come. Scripture offers a clear warning: God does not show favoritism.

James 2:1 calls Christians to reject favoritism, reminding us that partiality has no place in a life devoted to Jesus. Parents can be tempted to favor one child because of personality, responsibility, or shared interests, but every child needs to know they are equally loved and valued. For those who have experienced the pain of favoritism, God’s love offers hope and a foundation for healing. And when we recognize that our own favoritism has hurt others, humility, apology, and a commitment to change can help begin the process of restoration.

Highlights

• Why favoritism can create lasting emotional wounds within families
• How playing favorites can affect both the favored child and overlooked siblings
• What James 2:1 teaches Christians about showing partiality
• Why God’s love provides hope for those who have felt overlooked or unwanted
• How parents can work toward showing each child equal love and value
• The importance of apologizing when favoritism has caused hurt
• Practical questions for recognizing favoritism and taking steps toward reconciliation

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Full Transcript Below:

The Importance of Avoiding Favoritism
By Vivian Bricker

Bible Reading:
“My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism” (James 2:1). 

Favoritism occurred in my family as my dad’s favorite was the oldest child, and my mom’s favorite was the middle child. As the youngest of three, I was never chosen as the favorite. Instead, I was seen as the “extra” child. As one can imagine, this has caused me to have long-lasting problems, such as a negative self-view and low self-esteem. 

If you genuinely want to obey God, you must give up the practice of playing favorites. Favoritism only hurts your children and makes them second-guess themselves. 

Studies have shown that the oldest child tends to be the favorite, often because they are more like their parents or take on more responsibilities than younger siblings. It is time to change these statistics; there needs to be equal love for each child. Within the family of God, there is no room for favoritism. The Apostle Paul tells us, “For God does not show favoritism” (Romans 2:11). 

Showing favoritism will hurt your other children, either directly or indirectly. Not to mention, it could make the favorite overconfident, selfish, and self-absorbed. There needs to be equality amongst children. If you continue to play favorites, it will push your children away from you. 

This has been true for me, as there was nothing I could do to get my parents to like me. I have gone through multiple years of therapy to help work through this issue. I have also sought out help from God. Through the help of the Lord, I have discovered that I am loved by Him. The Bible tells us we are God’s children and that we are dearly loved by Him (1 John 3:1). 

The journey has not been easy, but Jesus has helped me every step of the way. While it is true that I will always have this wound from my parents, I can move on to new beginnings in the Lord. It also helps me share my story with others to help prevent them from showing favoritism toward their own children. 

Intersecting Faith & Life:

James 2:1 says, “My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism.” This comes from the half-brother of the Lord. In no way does favoritism bring about the righteous life that God wants for us. It will only bring pain to our own lives and to the lives of others.

Reach out to those you may have hurt with favoritism and tell them you want to talk. Apologize to them and ask if there is anything you can do to make things right. Acknowledge that you cannot change the past, but help them to know that you will no longer practice favoritism in the future. An apology and a promise to change for the future can go a long way toward healing someone's heart, whether they are in their childhood, teenage, or adult years. 

Let’s pray: Dear Jesus, I want to let go of the toxic trait of showing favoritism. I don't want to play favorites anymore, as I see all the pain it causes. Please help me to love everyone equally. Forgive me for my sin, and please help those I have hurt to forgive me. Thank You, Lord. Amen.

When you are tempted to show favoritism, what can you do? Is there a person you need to reach out to today to apologize to and make things right with? If so, when will you reach out to them this week? 

Further Reading:

Genesis 37:4

Deuteronomy 10:17

Acts 10:34

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